These last six months, I have lived somewhat out of my comfort zone. I have been traveling between houses preparing one home to be put on the market, while creating a comfortable space in the new one. I have also spent a lot of time away from my husband and the security of what has been our home life. Although I am feeling more settled and connected to our new digs, I still find comfort in the place I have called home for so many years. I will be traveling back to Chicago over the 4th of July holiday, the last in our home town, and look forward to spending time with family and friends, as well as work on some last minute preparations before the For Sale sign is placed on our front lawn in the next few weeks.
My husband’s company is relocating us, the process has begun, and now suddenly it all feels so real. Am I ready to leave? Yes, no question. We have been ready for a fresh start for a while, however we needed to stay put until the girls graduated from high school. And now here we are. Even though we are leaving, there is a piece of my heart that will remain there. I had a wonderful childhood in Chicago and my children were born and raised in that house. We were the third owners, but lived there the longest and I definitely put my stamp on it. My how that house has changed over the years.
Right now, after several months of activity, I find myself in a bit of a lull before the craziness of moving and getting two daughters to college on opposite coasts begins. Sometimes, I get a little anxious when there is too much quiet. My mind has always had a hard time enjoying the bliss of too much silence, and it never takes long before it starts whispering “what if’s” into my ear. I start living in the space of a future that isn’t a part of my life, yet can still cause me anxiety. I have to remind myself that I am being given this gift of solitude to enjoy and prepare for the busy August ahead. I have to remind myself that everything is as it should be, and seek that soul connection to my breath- the present moment. While I was having one of those stressful moments, I opened an email from my daughter, Nicole. It was a post she had written about Coming Home to Yourself, and it was just what I needed to read. Funny how that happens.
I would like to share that post with you.
It has been a whirlwind of a year. The latter half of 2016 and the first part of 2017 were filled with events that pushed the boundaries of my experience. This time was expansive, exciting, sometimes uncomfortable, as are most things that propel us out of our comfort zones. Overall, it was wonderful, and I am grateful for every experience, whether it was positive or negative or anywhere in between.
And now, my body is calling me to creative stillness. It is calling me inward, homeward. To listen, to breathe, and to be still. And I must honor this calling, or else I will lose balance. When my body calls for rest, I sleep. When I wish to be alone, I seek solitude. When I want to write, I write, and when I don’t want to write, I honor that as well. The body’s rhythms are delicate, and many of us have numbed ourselves to its nuances. We feel burned out and uninspired because we have neglected to take the time to listen and feed the aspects of ourselves that are begging for our attention and awareness.
This process of homing, returning, introverting… it requires us to be honest with ourselves. We must drop our pretenses, let go of any our personal expectations of who we think we should be. We must be willing to do the work, to purge the toxic emotions that keep us in the same cycles of fear, resentment, listlessness, and doubt. We must nurture and soothe the unhealed parts of ourselves and act on the inner callings to take action in ways that align with our souls. Whatever your body and soul are urging you to do, this is your time to do it.
If we don’t honor ourselves and our needs, we will never truly become who we need to be. We will always fall short of our truest potential if we march to the rhythm of the world, or even the rhythm of those around us. We are all different, and thus we all have different requirements for self-care and self-expression that we must uphold. Not everyone will understand your personal needs, but if these boundaries are critical for your well-being, don’t hesitate to make them clear without compromise. You should never have to apologize to others for who you are and what you need as a human being. This is something I am still practicing, as I have often sacrificed my own needs to make others comfortable or happy. However, I am learning that if others fail to respect me, it may just be that their needs differ from my own, or perhaps they have yet to expand the scope of their compassion and understanding to those who are different from themselves. Just remember that you are never at fault for being who you are.
I believe there is a time to sing and dance, and a time to listen and be still. Whatever place you are on your path, honor it. You deserve that sort of unconditional self-love.
take your time.
you are coming
Have a wonderful week. ~ May