My grandfather was a man of few words, but when he spoke, his words were profound, and I have kept them stored at the back of my mind, ready to bring them forward whenever I need to be reminded about this journey called life. Once, when I was going through a particularly challenging time, he compared life to a bus ride, with our journey beginning the day we are born. Sometimes, our voyage is smooth and takes us to beautiful places where the sun is shining bright and the waters are calm, and sometimes there are twists, turns, bumps in the road and even the occasional blizzard, and we simply must stop. My bus has picked people up along the way, and sometimes, it has stopped to let people off, and all I can do is wave goodbye as I watch them getting smaller and smaller in the distance. I’ve always preferred being the driver of my bus, and yet I am reminded time and time again that I am not the one in charge.
I always thought this would be a fun bus to ride on my journey.
Today, I have been feeling like my bus took a wrong turn along the way, and we are a little lost at the moment. There has been so much change the last six months, and there is so much more to come. I have, at many times, wanted to turn my bus around and go back for a bit. Back to when my dad was alive and healthy, back to when my boys were young and their biggest issues were scraped knees, even back to when I was a child and life was carefree, without responsibility. But we can never go back on this journey, so I must learn to let go of my fear and my need to control, and simply sit back and enjoy the ride.
The home I spent so much of my childhood in has been sold. It still feels so surreal to drive up to my parents house and see the For Sale sign standing on the front lawn. My parents built the house back in the seventies, and for so many years we were a family of four living there. Then, we became three, two, and then one. I know it is time and the house is too much for one person, and yet saying goodbye is so difficult.
My father loved his home and always joked that he was going to be carried out feet first, so I just assumed that we would have our house forever. That was not the plan, however, and now it is time for us to go. I know part of my sadness stems from the fact that this home was such a part of my dad, and without it, how will I find him? As the house has slowly been dismantled these past few months, stripped of its personality and charm, I have seen that my feelings weren’t so much about the structure of the house itself, but what went into it, and those are the memories that I will take on the bus with me.
Today, my sweet Nicole leaves for college, and for all the sadness I feel because my daughter-friend- partner in crime will be away, I am so excited for her journey as a young woman to begin. The world is hers and I know great things are ahead for her.
Next month, my husband and I will be celebrating our ten year anniversary, the day before my oldest son, Danny, and his fiancé, Alli, begin their lives as man and wife.
We are all looking forward to their wedding! I love him so much and am so proud of who he has become as a man, and I know he will be very happy.
My mom, who has always lived 10 minutes away from me, will now be living in a separate state. That will take some getting used to, however, I know it is temporary, and we will make it work.
There are other changes coming too, I know. I am going to try hard not to overthink what is ahead though. Rather, I am going to focus on the experience which is what life is all about, breathe, drive the bus when I am asked to, and when I am not, I will sit back and enjoy the ride.
Life’s like a road that you travel on
When there’s one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There’s a world outside ev’ry darkened door
Where blues won’t haunt you anymore
Where brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won’t hesitate
To break down the garden gate
There’s not much time left today
Life is a highway……Tom Cochrane